My Own Prison

Posted by Christian St John in Faithblogs | 2 comments

Trapped. Caught. Captive. I think if we’re all honest we’ve all felt this way at sometime in our life. Maybe it’s a relationship that has gone bad and feels like a prison; maybe it’s a job that makes you feel like you have chains around your wrists and ankles; maybe some debts are being called in and it feels like the walls are closing in; or maybe it’s drugs or alcohol or abuse or any number of things. Whatever the reason we can, all of us feel like we’re in a prison of sorts, walled in, chained down, and seemingly beyond the reach of a saviors touch.

I remember being in a dead end job that had no prospects (I worked as a photo lab technician… sounds much better than it actually was), and day after day I questioned why I was there. I was a Christian at the time and I wanted to serve God, but the only thing that happened was that I was getting more and more disillusioned and feeling increasingly trapped. Around this time I spoke to a pastor and told him how I was feeling and he assured me that God would use me because I was willing, but that it would be in his timing. I didn’t take kindly to the pastor’s advice just to stay put and provide for my family as God works out the details. You see, I wanted to jump right into God’s work, yet nothing seemed to be happening. All I knew was that here I was, willing to do great things for God, and yet he had left me in that stinking job to rot.

At the beginning of 1997 I was at the end of my rope and I prayed that God would release me from that job and begin a new thing in me. I was so sincere in my prayer and knew without a doubt that God would come through for me. Well, God did release me from that job… less than a week later I got fired. “WHAT! FIRED! I can’t get fired,” I told my then boss, “I have a family to support.”

Talk about feeling like you’re in a prison. I felt like I had been taken from the prison yard and placed in solitary confinement. I remember thinking that if this is how God answers prayers I would simply give up praying.

I spent the whole of the next week on the phone calling around looking for a new job. If you’ve ever tried this then you know how frustrating, and disheartening this can be. No… No… No… The only answer that was forthcoming. Then I prayed this little prayer, “God, please help me find a job and help me provide for my family.” The very next phone call I made was to an electronics store. It turned out that the boss, who turned out to be a Christian, was looking for someone. That day I went to see him and the very next day I started working for him.

And that was the first step that lead me to where I am today. I’ll always remember what this boss said to me when I left his employ two years later, “Stepping out is what we do. Sorting out is what God does.”

All this to say, I know what it’s like to feel trapped and in a form of prison. I would dread going to work at the photo lab everyday. I loathed every moment of it. And the worst part was I could see no end in sight… but God could. And only six years after praying that initial prayer, in April of 2003, I was on a plane bound for Canada, along with my family, to study for my M.Div degree.

And now twelve years on I find myself in a very different place to where I was. Then, I had all but given up hope that I would ever do anything meaningful with my life, now there are so many opportunities before me. Back then I could but dream, now I’m living the dream. Then I lived in despair, now I have a message of hope and freedom in my heart… “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Luke 4:18-19

Maybe you’re in that place of hopelessness and despair, and maybe you can’t see any way out from it. Well, I want to tell you that God is listening and ready to help you if you would just call to him and reach out for his help and guidance. There have been countless numbers of people who lived and died without hope. The good news is there is hope and freedom and love, and it can be ours. There is a life free from despair and addiction and hate and whatever else would seek to bind us. I know this because I’ve experienced it firsthand, I’ve lived it.

And you can too if you would just have faith and believe…

Christian St John M.Div, BChM, ACS
June, 2009

Picture by Stockers9 (screen name)