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Recorded July 11, 2010

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My notes:
I remember having a conversation once with a good friend and we got onto the subject of movies… anyone who knows me knows that at some point any conversation with me will move onto movies. Things were really going well and we were chatting up a storm when I bought up the movie Ben Hur. My friend, who’s usually the most easy going guy in the world, suddenly changed his tone and shaking his head said, “I don’t know what the world is coming to.”

Confused I asked “what do you mean?” to which he replied, “That movie clearly shows that Hollywood has had a gay lifestyle agenda from very early on.”

Even more confused I asked, ‘How so?’ ‘Well,’ he said, ‘the relationship between Judah Ben Hur and his best friend Messala had blatant gay undertones.’

Well, I was shocked to hear this… Ben Hur is one of my favorite movies. ‘Could it be?’ I thought.

The first thing I did when I got home and did a search on Google, and low and behold my friend is not alone in thinking this. Many critics of the movie down through the decades since its release have made the same observation.

However, I came across one website that challenged this assumption. In an in depth review the commenter had written, “I could find no evidence that a gay relationship existed between Judah Ben Hur and his lifetime best friend Messala. In fact I would go as far as to say that the relationship as portrayed in this movie is one of the best depictions of Bromance ever to grace the silver screen.’

Last week I began a series looking at love and we looked at probably the most famous Bible text dealing with love, 1 Cor 13, and looked at love as being the very heart of God.

Today I want to talk about love again but from a slightly different angle as you can tell from the sermon title… Today I want to look at platonic love.

I have to say that things have changed. Years ago… not so long back actually it was standard practice to greet each other in churches with a hand shake… and nothing more, especially if it were men. In fact if you tried to hug someone you were labeled as ‘one of them hippy types.’

But now it’s common place to see people hugging on a Sunday morning. Including men… what happened?

Today’s sermon is called a lesson in Bromance and I want to look at just what Bromance is and what God has to say about it.

So anyone know what Bromance is?

Bromance as described on Urbandictionary.com – a ‘complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.’

But where on earth did the word Bromance come from… Bromance was coined back in the 1990’s as a way of defining a very close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men. The first part Bro obviously comes from the word Brother and ‘mance’ comes from the word romance which simply means an emotional attachment or involvement between people.

Let’s face it, many men are emotionally constipated when it comes to sharing their feelings and so on, with man to man relationships including drinking beer, telling jokes, and playing cards. But there has been a movement over the last few years in which men have begun to share their feelings… with other men. There has been a movement towards a brotherly love… which is now described as Bromance.
You see women have always been good at this stuff. If you listen to a men talk you’ll hear them talk about movies, music, beer, the news, but there is still a lot of hestitation to talk about feelings and so on. But if you listen to women talk, they will talk about all kinds of things. They’ll talk about children, husbands, romance, love, and share their deepest feelings with one another.

As a pastor I know this to be true. If a man comes to see me it takes all while for them to open up and share with me. Women jump right in and just go for it.
So where am I going with this? Men are men and women are women, they are different.

Granted there are differences and so on, but when it comes to love there should be no distinction made between men and women… the Bible tells us to love the same.

Romans 12- 9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Now there probably one question rattling around in all the guys brains today and that it… is what the Bible calls ‘brotherly love’ the same as Bromance?

Well the People’s New Testament Commentary says regarding brotherly love… ‘The brotherhood of the saints was not a name only, but a real and deep non-sexual connection of tenderness and love held between two men or two women… in short true brotherhood.’

Matthew Henry wrote: ‘There is a mutual love that Christians owe, and must pay.’ He writes that it is ‘An affectionate love.’

The Greek word used here to describe this ‘brothery love’ is Philostorgoi which signifies not only love, but a genuine and free affection, kindness flowing out as from a spring. It denotes the love of parents to their children, which is the most natural of any platonic loves, unforced and unrestrained.

This is what our love is supposed to be like for one another, unforced, unrestrained, caring, and free. But how many of us men and women have this kind of love? How many of us have a Bromance?

Now before you reconsider your decision to hire me I want to defend my stance by saying that the Bible is filled with examples of love shown in this way and that Bromance is nothing new.

Elijah and Elisha, Ruth and Naomi, Peter and Jesus, John and Jesus, Paul and Timothy, Paul and Silas, Paul and Barnabas… the list goes on.

Perhaps the finest example is that of the bromance between David and Jonathan as written about in 1 Samuel chapters 15-21. Now I’m not going to read the whole account but I will pull out the stuff that shows their Bromance.

The Bible doesn’t go into detail as to how they met, but right away it’s clear that they’re kindred spirits from the start.

1 Sam. 18:1 tells us that ‘Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.’

David and Jonathan had an incredible relationship… a bromance if you will. Now some have tried to use their relationship to hint at the fact that they could have had more than a Bromance, but I think this is pushing it.

And I would raise the question, why is it when two men are close we think the worst? No one would raise an eyebrow at two women having a close relationship, but when it comes to two men…

Jonathan’s heart is joined to David’s (18:1), and he immediately gives David his own clothes as a token of his love–robe, armor, belt, weapons, the works. In the following chapter, Jonathan warns David that his father King Saul is plotting to kill him. Jonathan risks his father’s love–and, it should be pointed out, his own chances to be king someday–by defending David and helping him escape. And we see why when we read 1 Sam. 20:17 He “loved David as he loved himself.”

Then when it came for them to part 1 Sam. 20:41 tells us that ‘they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.’

The future king of Israel the man described as a man after God’s own heart, wept and kissed his friend goodbye.

Now modern men will have some problem with this. After all we don’t tend to weep in front of one another… many men don’t like to cry full stop. But then the text tells us that they kissed. Now maybe if you are family members you might kiss each other, but I would suspect that most men would have a hard time kissing another guy on the cheek… in fact I know guys who get all don’t even like to hug (I hug them anyways ? ).

But it certainly shows us how much we’ve changed when we consider that back in ancient times men kissed each other on a regular basis to show brotherly love and affection for one another.

Ok that was Old Testament times… and they were a little weird back then, weren’t they. Well in Romans 16:16 the Word tells us to ‘Greet one another with a holy kiss.’ (1 Peter 5:14)

The kiss was a common way to greet each other in ancient times and still is in many countries. Nina’s uncle is from Sicily and I remember the first time I met him… he reached out to shake my hand, pulled me in and kissed me on both cheeks.

In New Testament times believers would greet each other with a holy kiss, but remember men were forbidden to kiss women. So before you get any idea’s men kissed men and women kissed women.

We might find this strange but what is one of the major things that Judas is remembered for? His kiss. Judas kissed Jesus and called him master as a way to single Jesus out from the other disciples. But this was acceptable in those days.

My point is this, we’ve become a people who find it difficult to allow others into our space, especially if it includes a kiss or hug or sharing our feelings. For whatever reason (the media, gossip, homophobia’s) we have a hard time trying to get our head around some of this stuff.

But it would seem that Bromance is a good thing… and whereas the world seems to be getting the whole idea of brotherly love, we have problems loving in such a way.

Maybe a bromance for you may not include kissing another person on the cheek… you have to admit I had you scared there for a second… But it will involve the following:

Watching out for one another – Jonathan looked out for his friend David and probably saved his life.

It almost goes without saying that we should look out for one another, but how much more will we do this if we truly love our friends?

How many parents here truly love their children? How many parents think nothing of hugging their kids, and caring for them, and forgiving them, and watching out for them?

Now let’s turn this around and ask how many of us love others in this way? Unreserved love…

Sharing our lives with others – Many of us are afraid to open up and let others into our lives. We find it hard to share our feelings with others and become all bound up inside.

But the Word tells us that we are to ‘love each other deeply.’ (1 Peter 4:8) This is more than just a superficial friendship. This is the kind of love that extends into the deepest parts of our lives enabling us to love with all that we are, including our feelings.

Not just friends, but Brothers and Sisters – The Bible clearly points out that when we become believers we become the children of God. As such we literally become brothers and sisters. The question is do we love each other as such or is there still that hesitation to love in this way?

Sometimes there is no stronger bond and no longer lasting love than that between brothers and sisters. God wants us to stop seeing each other as fellow Christians and start seeing each other as members of the same family, brothers and sisters in Christ, loving one another as we would our own flesh and blood family.

Allowing us to encounter others on a deeper level – Many people now believe that there is no relationship deeper than a Bromance. They say that guys sitting around with guys and sharing is fast becoming the norm in North America especially in the 20-35 age group, with them sharing and loving in a way that makes the older generations question their sexuality.

I came across a website the other day on which a man called Brian had written about his bromance with his lifelong friend. He wrote, ‘Jimmy and I grew up together and have lived in each others pockets. When I went on my first date Jimmy was right there alongside me. When Jimmy had a broken leg I was there with him. We have been each other’s best man, work in the same factory, and live next door to one another. We spend at least 3 nights a week together and most weekends our families hang out. We are members of the same church and both play on the worship team. Some would call us strange, and many have. We have been called gay and worse especially by Christians who don’t know us, but we believe our love for one another is Scriptural and right as 1 John 4:21 says ‘Whoever loves God must also love his brother.’ Jimmy is closer than a brother he is my best friend and I am proud to be called a bromantic.’

Romans 12- 9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Do we desire to love in such a way as to call others our brothers and sisters? Do we desire to love on such a deep level that we have nothing to hide. Do we allow others into our lives fully so that we can love them fully and unreservedly, caring for them as Jesus would care for them?

I believe the answer to all of the problems we face in life is love because love is the very heart of God. Love defines God and love should define us.

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